a trivial comedy of serious people
by katamari-jedi
Summary: Enforcer Oga Tatsumi wasn't known as 'Mad-Dog Oga' without reason - impulsive and reckless, he was always ready to jump into the fray, no matter the danger. His attempts to help Inspector Furuichi win a date, however, prove only to be inefficacious. Psycho-Pass AU (aka, Daily Life with Inspectors&Enforcers AU).


For my lovely bro **Thebibi**, who requested for the prompt 'Ogafuru Psycho-Pass AU'. Thanks for being the main reason why I picked up reading Beelzebub again (thanks also for inadvertently leading me unto the Ogafuru ship THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT). This was written at the spur of the moment, so apologies beforehand for any errors or oddly-phrased sentences.

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><p><strong>a trivial comedy of serious people<strong>

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><p>~.*.~<p>

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"Hey Kunieda," Oga greeted, walking to where she stood before the vending machine. "You look extremely… um, hang on…" He spared a quick glance at the flash card hidden in his palm, squinting at the tiny handwritten text, before flashing her the biggest smile he could muster. "You look extremely bright today. Like the stars in the sky right now… even though it's afternoon.. Uh, yeah."

He ignored the disparaging expression and wild gesticulations Furuichi was making from behind Inspector Kunieda.

_"Real smooth, Oga," _Furuichi mouthed from where he stood, disappointment etched clearly over his features.

"A-Ah, Enforcer Oga," Kunieda said, her voice sounding shriller than usual. Her cheeks were flushed with a hint of colour, her eyes brighter.

(_…Had she always worn this much make-up? _Oga wondered.)

She beamed at him. "Well, I was thinking about the holidays and plans with my family. I just had an idea of what to buy for Kouta.. Ah - you've met him before right, my kid brother?"

"Right," Oga nodded, recalling the park incident with a smile. "Very cute."

"_Excuse me?_" Kunieda squeaked, her face flushing a darker shade of pink now, fingers clutching at her blazer a little too quickly. "C-cute…?"

"Yeah, Kouta. Everybody says he's cute, right?" Oga said, oblivious to the now crestfallen expression on Kunieda's face. He did, however, catch the intense murderous glare Furuichi was throwing his way - Oga could feel the air crackling with the static of telepathic banter hurling back and forth between them.

_O-oii, stop flirting with her! You're supposed to be my wingman here!_

_Shut up, idiot. I'm working on it._

Oga coughed awkwardly into his fist and straightened his tie.

"Anyway, speaking about holidays… You heard about the office dinner party?"

"Y-Yes?" Kunieda's voice definitely rose a notch higher this time.

(_Is she okay? Maybe she's caught a cold?)_

"Would you like to go wi–"

"–a d-date with you?!"

"–with Inspector Furuichi?"

Kunieda blinked.

And then blinked again.

"Huh?"

"ABSOLUTELY _NOT_." The new voice rang out sharply from across the hallway, followed by approaching footsteps. Oga glanced over his shoulder to see the rest of Division 2 – Kunieda's unit, the Red Tails – making their way towards them.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but Inspector Kunieda already has a date," Enforcer Omori Nene said coldly and promptly placed herself between Oga and Kunieda.

Beside her, Enforcers Tanimura Chiaki and Hanazawa Yuka nodded fervently in agreement.

"Yeah, Aoi nee-san is attending the dinner with us Red Tails!" Hanazawa chirped, bouncing back and forth on her toes in excitement.

"And who would want to go on a date with Inspector Creepichi, anyway?" Tanimura added, shooting a dirty look at Furuichi.

"Since when did insults become a Psycho-Hazard as well? Ack…!" Furuichi coughed, spitting blood into his sleeve, feeling a suddenheaviness creep upon his shoulders as his Hue began to turn a shade darker.

"Come on, Aoi nee-san." Omori tugged at her arm. "The cafeteria is serving your favourite curry lunch set. Let's go grab some before they run out!"

"A-ah, but I'm not very hungry..," Despite her meek protests, Kunieda was promptly shepherded away by her devoted Enforcers.

The men watched silently as Division 2 disappeared down the hallway.

Oga let out a resigned sigh. "Well, that totally backfired."

Furuichi groaned, throwing up his hands in a show of despair. "It's no use. We'll never find anyone to attend the dinner with and I'll never find a girlfriend again for Christmas. My life is ruined,_ ruined_ I tell you!"

Oga snorted dismissively. "How hard is it to get a date for a party anyway? I mean, look at that." He turned towards the vending machine again, pointing at the figure reflected on the glossy display. "I see a confident, handsome, kind-hearted young man who is just as charming and irresistible. Now who wouldn't want a date that?"

Furuichi's head jerked up at his partner's words in surprise, a sudden burst of emotion welling up within him. Enforcer Oga Tatsumi wasn't nicknamed 'Mad Dog Oga' without reason – impulsive and reckless, he was always ready to jump ahead into the fray, no matter the danger. And while he was seldom generous about dolling out praise to his fellow co-workers, he had his rare moments of sensitivity at times.

"Oga…," Furuichi said, his eyes teary with gratefulness.

"Oh look, you're here too." Oga continued, the corners of his lips curving suspiciously into a devillish grin as he shifted his finger from his own reflection to Furuichi's. "What, you thought I was talking about you? My, my Inspector, you sure are full of yourself."

"Argh!" Furuichi said, realising that he had unwittingly fallen for one of Oga's pranks again. He stomped angrily at the other man's shoes.

"Hey, I just polished them this morning!" Oga snapped heatedly, smashing his forehead against Furuichi's with a special move he liked to call _Headbutt Slam_. "Idiot Furuchin!"

"OWW! It's Inspector _Furuichi_, asshole." Furuichi hissed back with just as much ferocity. "And quit butting at me with your fucking head! If it wasn't for the fact that you're my partner, I would have shot you in the leg with the Dominator!"

"Police brutality!" Oga yelled, waving his arms in mock horror. "Police brutality!"

"WE _ARE_ THE POLICE, DUMBASS!"

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><p>Several metres away down the hallway and out of earshot, Enforcer Omori tutted at the sounds of the men's infantile bickering, smirking victoriously over at her Inspector.<p>

"Aren't you glad we saved you from landing a date with those useless men-children, Nee-san?"

"Very useless." Enforcer Tanimura agreed, munching away at a strip of sukonbu.

Inspector Kunieda could only let out a nervous chuckle, sweat dripping from her brow. "Y-Yeah… you're probably right."

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><p>A week later, Oga found himself standing before the massive and intricately-craved oak doors – a hologram – leading into the fancy ballroom where the MWPSB held their annual Christmas dinner. He heard soft steps approaching him and knew it was Furuichi even before he felt the brush of his partner's shoulder beside his.<p>

"I can't believe everyone else got dates except us," Furuichi sighed, dejected. "And I can't believe _you _had to be my dinner date."

Oga gave a nonchalant shrug. "Couples get free flow of grilled meat for the night. And no one said it had to be a dude and a chick."

"I'm not gonna hit it up with a lady tonight, am I?" Furuichi sighed again, clearly not interested in the free food. "So much for hoping for some nice holiday cuddling."

"Oh, don't worry. There will be some holiday cuddling." Oga said, flicking his gaze to meet the Inspector's surprised look. He pulled up the inside of his coat to reveal what looked suspiciously like leather wrist cuffs and a dark crimson rope bundle stuffed discretely into a pocket. He leaned in close to whisper conspiratorially into Furuichi's ear, "Guess who's going to be _really_ pleased with his Christmas gift tonight?"

Furuichi huffed, fixing Oga with a steady gaze of his own, the tiniest of smirks playing upon his lips now. "Only if I get to top. You are _so_ going to pay for last week's headbutt."

Oga grinned widely and reached for the doors.

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_**-end-**_

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><p><em><strong>:::<strong>_

**Notes**

Oga is supposed to fit into Kougami's role, so that's why he's an Enforcer (plus 'Mad Dog Oga' was just so suitable, lmao). I decided to put Furuichi into the combined role of Sasayama+Ginoza because I thought it'd be funny if Furuichi had the misfortune to end up as Oga's Inspector (and thus, having to develop a close working relationship with him). And Aoi is sort of an Akane-like figure, while Nene = Shion, Chiaki = Yayoi, Yuka = a combination of Yuki+Kagari... It all made a lot sense in my head at 3am, but I'm probably gonna regret this in the morning. I hope you still enjoyed reading it!


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